In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. (Romans 8:26-27)

This is another one of my favorite verses. It's so easy to pray and worship God, and to feel His love when things are going great and the sun is shining. We all have those days... our grins are big, our hearts are open, we feel SO good about being alive, and we cannot help but to say, "Thank you SO much, Lord. Life is so good! I have many blessings, and I cannot thank you enough."

Likewise, it's easy to pray to God and be close to Him when things are really rough. When problems are coming at you left and right and your soul is heavy with burden and pain, it's pretty easy to pour out your heart with tears and say, "Lord, please help me. I'm lost, and it's just so hard. Please give me strength to get me through this tough time."

But what about those days in between? As a good friend of mine describes it, those days are just blah and full of ennui (pronounced "ahn-wee" -- meaning "a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction"). I had one of those days today. The skies were grey and cold, and I was still feeling under the weather (no pun intended). I didn't have a whole lot of exciting, productive things happen at work. I felt mopey and crabby. Randy called me on the way home from work, and was feeling the same thing. His work load is already piled up, he has no chance of fishing or hunting this season, and our weekend schedules are already burdened with chores and obligations.



I always pray on the way to and from work. And I had a hard time today. I'm feeling pressure and stress about what God wants me to do for Him. I'm feeling stuck in the rat race, getting tailgated and honked at by other annoyed drivers (literally and figuratively). Every day is the same old thing -- get up, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed. Weekends are the same old thing -- get up, clean house, go grocery shopping, work on household projects, do laundry, eat, go to bed. Usually, I can thank God for the food we eat and the home we live in and the fact that Randy and I have each other to do those chores together. Also, I often thank God for the opportunity to blog, and for our health, our jobs, our freedom, our family and friends. But there are just some days that my heart is weary, I'm tired of it all, and the dreary monotony of life just seems to be too much.

So what do I do? I still pray. I just talk it out. That verse above reminds me in such a personal way that even though we don't say the right words, God knows. He knows what's in our hearts. He knows the discontent and the stress that I'm feeling. He knows the sadness that Randy feels at not being able to have the opportunity to fish or turkey hunt this spring. He knows that I don't really have any idea to know that the way I'm spreading His word and witnessing others is the right way.

So I take heart in that verse above, and I remember it and pray anyway -- because I know that the Holy Spirit knows and hears all of my thoughts and feelings, and is able to convey them into words I cannot express.

"Dear Lord, please know that I'm not really as frustrated as I feel at this moment. Not all the time, anyway. I didn't mean to honk my horn at that guy... I should've just shrugged it off. I meant to smile more, laugh more, and feel more appreciative. I am so grateful for all that I have. I'm just... tired. I don't know what you want from me. I'm weary of this same thing, day-in and day-out, week-in and week-out. It breaks my heart to see Randy working 12 hours a day, with no time to enjoy his hobbies. I'm irritated at the world for being in such a hurry all the time. I keep thinking there will be more, and yet I keep waking up to the same old thing. Believe me when I say that there are definitely many days when I am content and happy with those same old things. But some days... like today... I just have to wonder what it's all for. Am I doing this right? Am I doing anything right? Are we where you want us to be? If not, please show us the way and help us get on the right path. And if we are... well, then... please give me the strength to get past these tough times. I just need to know that you're happy with me, and that you're there to get me through. I'm not going to test you, or ask you for a sign, or sob uncontrollably, or even get angry. I'm not going to stop doing what I'm doing, or change anything that we have planned, or make any rash or drastic decisions about anything. I just wanted to let you know that my heart is heavy. I know you understand, and I'm glad you're there."

He does understand. The Bible assures me that He does. That small little piece of Scripture gets me through days like this. If I can be thankful of at least one thing, I do thank God that these days are few and far between.